Permission Slip

One of my goals for last year and this year has been to write something at least once per month. The last time I posted anything here was on January 2nd, so I’ve already slipped a bit. Oops. I’ve been telling myself that because I published four posts in January, I am still averaging over one per month, so it counts. At this stage, that’s the kind of flexibility I need. I simply don’t have the capacity to add any unnecessary pressure to my life.

I like pressure. I’m nothing if not routine-oriented. That’s why I’ve given myself a goal of a monthly post in the first place. Without some sort of deadline, a task ceases to exist to me. Since July of last year, I’ve made twelve posts on this blog, and you know what? I am damn proud of that.

Still, something about this space does not feel quite right. Even though it is completely mine, I have been overthinking and overcomplicating it. That’s something I’ve been known to do before and I’ll go ahead and guess that it’s going to happen again. Luckily for me (and for everyone in my life,) when I get like this, I usually snap out of it in a moment of sudden clarity. That’s kind of what’s happening here.

I’ve realized that the thing preventing me from even attempting to write something is nothing more than pesky perfectionism. I tell myself that if what I have to say is even slightly unpolished, I should wait until I’m feeling less scattered, frustrated, manic, overwhelmed, goofy, tired, etc. Except, well, you know. That moment rarely comes at a time when I can drop everything to go write a blog post. So…here I am! More than two full months into the new year, resetting some expectations with myself on how this goal should look and feel.

I keep thinking about how tiny kids make friends so easily. They’re weird, they’re loud, and they haven’t developed a filter yet. Part of why kids are so funny is because their thoughts go straight from brain to mouth with no hesitation and no second-guessing. They call it like it is.

Then, those kids get a bit older and they start to care more about what everyone around them thinks. They may alter their behavior a bit to avoid being different from their peers. Any parent of school-aged children know that when kids come home at the end of the day, they unleash the most chaotic, emotional versions of themselves. They’ve been holding in their initial reactions and their big feelings all day and as soon as they’re in their safe place, they can be their full selves again, warts and all.

People have always said that as you get older, you get more confident in yourself and you stop caring as much about external opinions. For me, that has proven to be true – and yet I do still feel the pressure to deliver the most polished version of myself. I doubt that will change in most areas of my life, but at least here, at Deep Roots | Full Bloom, I am giving myself permission to “bring my full self.”

This is my permission slip to myself to write what’s on my mind and to do it for me first. I love having you here, but I think we will all enjoy this space more if I let go of some of the polish and lean into more honesty.

Thanks for being here.