Tag Archives: deep roots full bloom

Functioning Through the Fog

My mind is a whirlwind these days. Even “scatterbrained” feels too polite for the chaos in my head, much like calling my house “a bit cluttered” when it looks more like the aftermath of a tornado. I can’t pinpoint when it started, but I do know that it amplified when my twins were hospitalized with RSV back in December, and it amplified again when I returned to work after maternity leave at the end of January. (One of these days, I will write about my birth experience with the twins and their scary hospitalization, but today is not that day.) The sheer amount of STUFF in my head and on my mind has brought my decision fatigue to an all-time high. When you add a detail-oriented career to the standard postpartum brain fog, sheesh. I feel like I’ve been slowly losing my mind.

I learned recently that pregnancy causes a loss of gray matter in the brain, with the most loss happening in the frontal and temporal lobes. These changes are believed to prepare the birthing parent to be more responsive to their babies. My readings assured me that this loss isn’t anything to worry about, even though the effects can last a few years after delivery. It’s like finding a missing piece to the puzzle of why my brain feels like it’s running on low battery. It’s fascinating and just adds to my belief that having kids is the most immersive science project one can perform.

Learning this has been validating. I have laughed about “mom brain” with my friends, family, and colleagues, and even though it can bring silly moments, it’s genuinely frustrating. I notice it happening at home, but it’s louder and more embarrassing for me at work.

I’ve been at my company for nearly 10 years and have spent that time learning as much as I can about my field, dedicating myself to consistent growth, and making a commitment to developing others. Regardless of the role I’ve held, those three remain the same. Learn. Grow. Develop. It’s no surprise to me that I’ve found my home in Learning and Development, nor that I was so excited to go back to work after having I and O. I’ve been back to work for six months now, and to put it in the simplest of terms: I just feel different.

My passions are still prevalent. I am still ambitious, and my love for developing others keeps me stretching toward formal leadership. I still want to learn, grow, and develop. I just…also added two people to my household and keep unlocking new parenting levels with all three of my children. My identity at work, once steady and sure, is now evolving to accommodate the ever-growing demands of motherhood. I’m still trying to juggle everything I did before, but now I’m doing it with a baby in each arm. (And I’m finding that juggling is pretty hard with no available arms, you know what I mean?) Uncharted territory is fun, sure, but it’s also a bit unsettling.

Mom brain. Brain fog. Scatterbrained. Losing my mind. Uncharted. Unsettled. But also:

We’ll be out of formula in about 4 days, so I need to get that order in. Or wait, maybe it’s finally back in stock. Nope, still sold out, we’ll have to buy online. We really need to get R in to see a dentist soon. I should make an appointment to get that bloodwork done. We have about half a box of diapers left, but the babies have a box at daycare, and they’ll be there the next three days, so I don’t need to make a special order. I can just add a box to our upcoming grocery cart. R is loving soup right now, maybe I’ll make two different soups this week. The babies could eat some of the softer veggies in that, too, and they have been loving carrots. I wonder if they will like celery. Ooh, we need some more purees. Not the mango, though, that didn’t agree with them. Baby boy likes the chicken ones, baby girl likes the fruit oatmeal ones. Do you think we should increase the amount we’re giving them in their bottles? They always seem to want a bit more these days. Do we have swimsuits in the kids’ bags for daycare? Water day is coming up. Be sure to sign the bug spray and sunblock form so their teachers can apply it during the day. Do they get shots at this pediatrician appointment? I wonder when we will be able to afford sending the babies in for one more day during the week, that will make such a big difference. R will be in kindergarten next year, maybe then…where are we sending her to kindergarten? I should start looking into that…

I could go on and on and on.

So yeah, maybe my “peak performance” looks a bit different these days than it has in the past. If I’m only judging myself on my past markers of success, it is really easy to feel like I’ve lost more than just a little bit of gray matter. What I’ve gained, however, is the ability to keep track of the wants and needs of my family, and that, I realize, is its own form of mastery.

My brain, foggy it may be, has adapted to juggle the myriad of tasks and decisions that come with being a mom of three and a dedicated professional. It’s a different kind of expertise, one that blends empathy, multitasking, and the relentless pursuit of balance. I am not just learning and developing at work; I am also learning and developing at home. The scatterbrained moments, the fog, the exhaustion—these are signs of growth and change. They are reminders that I am doing the hard, beautiful work of raising a family while staying true to my professional passions. Maybe they are also reminders to slow down and focus on one thing at a time so I can be more present in each moment.

Navigating this uncharted territory is difficult for a planner (read: control freak) like me. I am trying my hardest to remind myself to embrace the chaos and trust in my resilience, because damn if this year hasn’t shown me that I can handle some of the hardest things. Amidst the brain fog and the endless to-do lists, I am cultivating something extraordinary—both in my career and in my home. That, I believe, is the true essence of blooming where I am planted.

If you’ve read this far, will you do me one more favor? Every now and then, could you remind me and the other parents you know that they are doing hard, miraculous, worthwhile things? I promise, I’ll do the same for you.

Your Village Needs You

When you have babies and children in your life, a phrase you get to know pretty quickly is, “It takes a village.” The thing that nobody ever really talks about, though, is that everyone seems to have a different definition of what it means to be a part of someone’s village, and trying to find yours can be pretty isolating. This topic has been rattling around in my brain for a few years, but I had an experience lately that showed me my own shortcomings when it comes to this concept.

I pride myself on my connections with other people. One of my largest driving forces is ensuring the people around me know that they are seen, valued, and appreciated. My friends are on my mind with great regularity, and I try my best to maintain my connections with them. In December of 2022, one of these lovely friends asked me to be her maid of honor, and I gladly accepted. (I mean, she technically asked me to be her matron of honor, but the word matron makes me feel like Madame Thénardier from Les Misérables, so I’m sticking with maid, hahaha.) We’re getting closer to the wedding now, and I had the fun task of planning her bachelorette party at the end of June. We had the best time – it was the perfect mix of both getting dolled up and staying cozy. (For a group of women in their 30s, this is the dream!) As is standard for an overnight gathering with friends, we all had an opportunity to catch up with one another and have some rare uninterrupted time together. One of the attendees was a former-coworker-turned-good-friend who became a mom for the first time last June. Her baby recently turned one, and while we don’t work together anymore, we try to get together and catch up. Key word here being “try.”

I realized that weekend that I have not been as capable of being a good friend to her lately, and that realization weighed on me.

Here’s my reality check: I am acclimating to my life as a working mom of three. There is a LOT going on in my life right now. Twin babies, energetic toddler, wonderful husband, rewarding career, home maintenance, family time, networking events, and the never-ending parade of illnesses that come home from daycare…I could go on and on. The calendar fills up quickly and stays filled. Even so, I know I am not being as mindful with my time as I could be.

I realized after spending some time with this mama friend that I was failing her as a member of her village. I hadn’t been there to offer the kind of support I want to provide to my people. It was easy to let it fall off my radar – your girl is OVERWHELMED by this season, y’all. What does that look like for me? After a busy day of fulfilling all my obligations, you can find me scrolling mindlessly on the couch while I ignore a television show. To be clear, I’m not beating myself up for this. I can identify that it’s a problem, but I’ve learned to be a bit kinder to myself, and I know I can fix it with some effort.

Here’s another reality check: because of social media, we maintain a false sense of closeness with the people we follow. We replace picking up the phone or coordinating time to spend together by scrolling, liking, and commenting. Those actions require so little effort, but give the false illusion of “keeping up” with someone. Of course, I’ve checked up on her! Didn’t you see what she posted on Facebook last week? Sounds like things are going well for her!

Am I actually keeping up with you if I don’t get to know about the struggles as WELL as the highlight reel you post online?

No. No, I’m not.

After the bachelorette party, I was deep in my head. That first year of motherhood is a doozy. (Well, so far, every year has been a doozy, but that first year rocks your world in a way that is hard to describe.) I think I can count on one hand the number of times I saw that friend in the first year of her daughter’s life. After preaching the importance of connection for so long, this realization made me stop in my tracks and reassess the way I’ve been spending my time.

A few weeks ago, I picked her up on a Sunday afternoon. We grabbed a coffee, walked down to the water, sat on a bench, and chatted. It was so freeing to sit outside with a friend without having to chase a toddler or get grass out of a baby’s mouth. I had initiated the time together because I wanted to be there for her, but my goodness, I realized quickly how much I needed it, too. Being in mom mode 24/7 is exhausting. Having an hour to ourselves to talk about what we’re going through that may not make the Instagram grid was a relief.

The next weekend, we went to a shopping plaza. We got some coffees and bought diapers at Target. She kept me company while I got my eyebrows waxed and tinted at Ulta. I went with her to search Home Goods for hazelnut syrup for her home coffee bar. We both ooh’d and ahh’d at the cute clothes at Carter’s, and maybe I spent money I didn’t need to spend on matching pajamas for my girls. (Oops.) It was so nice to have that relaxed connection time while crossing things off our to-do lists. I don’t get that very often these days! Errands are usually rushed or skipped entirely, if I’m being honest. A leisurely stroll around a shopping plaza? Laughing about the absurdities of baby and toddler parenthood with someone else who is deep in the trenches, too? Uh, okay. Sign me up.

What inspired me to do this was the desire to help create a stronger village for her, but in doing this, my own village has also been strengthened.

This weekend, I’m actually taking my oldest on a playdate with her bestie from daycare. For the first time since August 2020, we’re having a bit of a mama/baby playdate, and I’m really excited. I’m also about to pick up my phone to text the friend I mentioned above so we can get another date on the calendar. My community is expanding, both in reach and in depth, and that is bringing me comfort in this whirlwind of a season.

Parents aren’t the only people who need a village, of course. If any of this resonated with you, I encourage you to reach out to a friend to set up some intentional connection time soon. Getting out of the front door can be hard, but humans have a genuine NEED for community. Honor yourself enough to do the hard work of shaking yourself out of a routine that may not be serving you anymore, and take care: both of yourself and of your people.